❥ cassidy (dearmykeysx) wrote in butterdumplings,
❥ cassidy

stale food. (suho/kai)

Title: Stale Food
Rating: PG-13? (for some swearing, mentions of sexual things)
Pairing: Suho/Kai (Joonmyun/Jongin)
Genre: university!au, comedy (i tried?), fluff
Word Count: 2,632
Summary: Joonmyun is XO Academy's student body president and Jongin is the self-appointed light-of-Joonmyun's-life. (cross-posted to aff here)

It’s another year at XO Academy, the all-boys private university set on the outskirts of South Korea, and although their grade years are different and they’ve grown that much older, some things never change.

For example, one thing that hasn’t changed goes by the name of Kim Joonmyun, student body president of the school he has been attending for two years so far, this year being his third. As usual, he was found inside his dorm room, sitting at his desk and doing some homework in between filling out some sort of forms and papers for the school.

The other thing that hadn’t changed goes by the name of Kim Jongin, self-appointed light-of-Joonmyun’s-life.

“HEY, HYUNG!” a low voice obnoxiously yelled out as he threw the door open and stepped inside.

Not sparing a moment to look at the intruder since Joonmyun knew who it was from before he even opened his mouth, he continued to do his work, mumbling out a bored, “what is it, Jongin?”

The younger boy scratched his stomach in response and began to walk around the room, looking for any food he could eat. Again, Joonmyun didn’t glance up at the other at all since this kind of situation was quite common ever since Jongin first came to XO Academy and wormed his way into the student body president’s life.

“Go away,” the elder ordered in a calm tone, completely uninterested in whatever the hell the other male was up to today.

The slightly taller (but still younger) boy shook his head, his face lighting up when he saw a box of crackers sitting on his favourite hyung’s desk. Taking the snack, he popped a few into his mouth.

“Love you too, pops,” he joked with his mouth full, earning a look of disgust from Joonmyun.

“Goodbye,” Joonmyun spoke in what he thought was a commanding tone, hoping that Jongin would get the hint.

Ignoring him, Jongin continued to eat the crackers before almost spitting a few out. “Ew, why do you have stale food, hyung?” he asked, inspecting the box for an expiry date afterwards.

“Why are you still here.”

Again, Jongin ignores him, finding more interest in the snack food than the other student.

“You’re getting crumbs everywhere,” Joonmyun tries again, groaning this time as he eyes the pieces of crackers falling from Jongin's mouth and onto the floor he just vacuumed the day before.

“And what are you going to do about it? Bend over and clean it up?” Jongin challenged, giving him a greasy smile. “If you are, tell me so I can get a good seat for that view.”

At that, Joonmyun was speechless, his mouth open in a very unattractive way as he stared at the younger in disbelief.

“Get. Out.”

“No can do, hyung,” Jongin replied, laying down on Joonmyun’s bed after and stretching his arms out as he lets his eyes fall shut.

It was clear that the first year didn’t care much about personal space, privacy or manners and no matter how much Joonmyun was used to his actions, he never got any better at dealing with them.

Sighing, the older male got up from his desk and quietly walked over to the seemingly sleeping boy. He didn't even look or think twice before suddenly jumping onto the bed and settling his butt right on Jongin’s stomach, making the latter pry his eyes open wide from shock.


Joonmyun cackled evilly because the look on Jongin’s face was priceless.

Once the younger realized what was going on, his face softened slightly and he cheekily smiled up at the other.

“Hi, hyung.”

Joonmyun sayid nothing before getting off of the other and quickly picked him up bridal style, holding onto him tightly so he wouldn't move around. Despite being shorter than Jongin, Joonmyun was not weak as many think him to be and was easily able to carry the boy out of his room so he could promptly toss Jongin out of his room right after.

“Goodbye, Jongin,” he told him, a smug smile on his lips as he shut the door on the mentioned.

“But hyung--,” the tossed tried to protest, stumbling before he gained his bearings and steadied himself when he stood up from the messy lump he was lying on the floor in moments prior.

When he sees the door slammed on his face, Jongin blinks before he realizes what just happened.

Grinning to himself, he knocks on the door once. As expected, Joonmyun doesn’t answer but that doesn’t stop Jongin. Nope, nothing could ever stop this boy.

“So, hyung,” he started, talking quite loudly from the hallway outside Joonmyun’s room and asking various questions. “What are we having for dinner? I was thinking sushi or maybe that place down by the creek. You know, that noodle house? What about if we take a dip in the creek after we eat-- butt naked, of course,” he finished, smirking at the end.

Looking at the door expectantly, when Jongin was faced with silence, he frowned.

“Hey, hyung, are you listening to me?” he asked softly.

When he got no reply, he twisted his face up in frustration.

“Hyung, don’t make me break down the door.”

Still no reply.

“HYUNG!” he tried once more to no avail.

Sighing, he turned around and slid to the floor, his back resting against the door.

“Hyung, I just need you to help me study for a test.”

Inside the room, Joonmyun was not at his desk, doing his work like he had planned to but instead, sitting up against the door as well, much like how Jongin was.

Truthfully, he had been listening to the younger speak the entire time but chose not to say anything, quite enjoying and amused with the sight of a somewhat grovelling Jongin outside his door.

Everything he had said up to this point were expected of Jongin and Joonmyun was resolved not to open the door for him as a result. But when he asked for help in studying, he faltered and considered opening the door. In fact, he was just about to when he heard Jongin’s next line.

“So when you’re helping me, I can touch you.”

Rolling his eyes, he dropped his hand from the doorknob.

“Shut up, Jongin,” he called out, not phased by the other’s predictable comments. After all, Jongin’s motto was ‘who has time for class when I can sleep, eat, and make out (among other things)?’

“Make me shut up, hyung! Please, make me!”

At that point, Jongin started to hear protests and yells from some of the other students who were living in the same hall as Joonmyun, telling him to quiet down.

“Hyung, please let me in. I think the other guys are going to hit me if I don’t shut up.”

“Then just shut up and you won’t have a problem,” Joonmyun replied calmly.

“Hyung, PLEASE,” Jongin begged.

Sighing (because god damn it Kim Joonmyun, stop giving into him!), he reluctantly opened the door. However, the moment he did, he instantly regretted it as Jongin barged in and took refuge on Joonmyun’s butt. Not the bed or a chair or a couch but his butt.

Once again, he was speechless, unable to say anything or form coherent sentances as Jongin made himself comfortable on his behind, once again take things at his own pace.

“Hey, hyung, I saw this guy you were speaking to earlier, the one who looked like a fairy. What’s his name? He was cute,” Jongin inquired, looking down at his hyung with interest.

“Who, Luhan?” he replied distractedly, somehow managing to find his voice as he struggled to get the other boy off of him.

“Oh, is that his name?” Jongin asked, double checking to which Joonmyun nodded. “Hm... Luhan,” he stated, trying his name out. “Luuuuuuuuhaaaaaaaaaaaan.”

“What are you doing now?”

“I wanted to see what his name would sound like if I moaned it,” he explained nonchalantly as if it was the most normal thing to do in the world.

It wasn’t.

“Why don’t you just moan my name instead,” the elder mumbled under his breath, hoping that Jongin wouldn’t hear it.

Except, he did because he has super sonic hearing or some shit.

“I don’t know, wouldn’t it sound a bit weird to say your name along with Luhan’s? What if Luhan gets mad and bites my dick--”

“Please stop talking,” Joonmyun interrupted only to be ignored. Again.

“Because one time, this Kyungsoo kid bit my dick and it wasn’t comfortable and--”

“I don’t want to hear the details of your sex life, Kim Jongin. Now get off me.”

“Oh,” was all he said.

For a while there was silence and Joonmyun thought he was finally done putting up with Jongin but obviously, he had other plans as he was only just getting started.

“Wait, let me brush my teeth, hyung,” he said as he wiggled off of Joonmyun’s butt, leaning in close to the other's ear as he spoke. “So I can whisper and moan your name nice and loud.”

“Or you could get out, like, I don’t know, maybe... right now?” he sassed.

“What--” Jongin paused. “Didn’t you just ask me to moan your name a second ago? I can’t go now!”

“The moment passed,” Joonmyun told him, brushing his earlier comment off as he shrugged. Getting up from where he was tackled to the floor, he brushed off the dust on his clothes and smoothed them out.

“Wow,” the younger said, breaking into a chuckle, not believing what had just happened.

The elder couldn’t help but laugh as well, his chuckles soon turning into some sort of cackle.

“Hyung, please. Cackle hard only when you’re inside me.”

Joonmyun ceased laughter and stared at Jongin with wide eyes. “What?”

Laughing wildly, the younger student ran out of the room, leaving a bewildered Joonmyun in his wake.

Just when he thought things would be quiet now that Jongin was gone, said male came running back into his room. Grabbing a bag of chips that Joonmyun didn’t even know he had, he ran back out again.

Like the calm before the storm, suddenly there was a yell.

“Shit, hyung! Why are all the food you own stale?! It’s like your co--”


Once again, his threats were ignored as Jongin came stumbling back into his room and headed straight to a box Joonmyun had only just noticed now.

Where did that even come from? he thought to himself as he watched the other student rummage through it, different packages of snacks being tossed around.

“Jesus, how old are all of these snacks?” he asked offhandedly. “I mean, really.”

“This is all too much for me,” Joonmyun commented to himself, ignoring the younger’s question, as he pinched the bridge of his noise. He quickly found that his patience was running thin the longer he had interactions with Jongin and he didn’t want to see what would happen next if this continued for longer.

“Aw, man, I thought you could handle me,” Jongin faked pouted as he sat on Joonmyun’s bed, a bag of chips in his arms as he munched on them.

“Will you ever be quiet?” Joonmyun tiredly asked. When he didn’t hear a response, he turned his head only to find the other male sprawled out on his bed, seemingly in some sort of slumber.

“Is this kid serious...” he grumbled to himself as he slid his arms underneath his body, picking him up once again and proceeding to exit his room before placing the body down on the floor. Joonmyun then quietly closed the door and locked it so he wouldn’t be able to get in.

Before they knew it, hours had passed.

Joonmyun had went back to doing his work, forgetting that there was a kid sleeping outside his door while Jongin was well, that kid who was still sleeping.

It wasn’t until Jongin started stirring when he realized that he had passed out and was somehow not on a bed like he last remembered falling asleep on.

Taking in his surroundings, he quickly realized that he was outside Joonmyun’s dorm once again.

Knocking on the door, he called out, “hyung, please, I need you. Hyung!” and various alternatives of the same phrase for a good five minutes as Joonmyun continued to ignore the boy and his shouts.

Growing slightly irritated, Jongin quietly spoke in the most intimidating voice he can muster.

“Hyung, I swear to God I will fuck every single person that I meet on your bed if you don’t let me in.”

“You can’t fuck anyone on my bed if you can’t get in, Jongin!” Joonmyun yelled back.

“Do you really think I can’t break into your dorm, hyung?!” he retorted, his voice growing louder with every word.

He would’ve yelled louder, too, had the students in the hall not yelled for him to shut up. Frowning, he knocked on the door once more.



“Hyung, please--”





Stopping in his tracks, Joonmyun looked up from his work to the door, shocked by what he had just heard.

Hearing the silence, Jongin pouted and rested his forehead against the door. He had run out of ways to get his hyung to let him in so heaving a dejected he sigh and a small huff, he turned away from the door.

“Fine, I’ll just leave now then...” he said aloud.

“Wait,” Joonmyun called out from behind the door.

Jongin paused and looked back, perking up slightly. “Wait?” he asked hesitantly.

“Uh, nevermind. I’ll see you later, Jongin.”

“Oh. Okay,” the younger student replied sadly as he turned away once more.

“Nah, I’m just kidding, you lil’ booger,” the elder teased once he opened the door.

“Hyung?” Jongin asked, looking at the other with helpless eyes resembling that of a puppy’s.

“Just come in,” he told him, gesturing to his room.

Grinning widely, Jongin tackled his hyung to the floor of his room. “Asshole,” he spat causing Joonmyun to break into a laugh as he was dragged from the floor to his bed.

Once the two were lying down, Jongin beside Joonmyun, they laid in silence, just enjoying each other’s company despite all the things they said and all the things that happened so far that day. Jongin turned to look at the other and smiled.

“Hyung, let’s skip classes today,” he suggested.

Frowning, Joonmyun shook his head. “I can’t,” he told him.

“Sure you can--” Jongin tried before he was interrupted by Joonmyun’s explanation.

“I’m a model student so if I skip class it’ll reflect poorly on me.”

Jongin gave him a look as if he was dumb.

“So? Just tell them that you needed to help a troublemaker student by modelling your behaviour for them.”

Joonmyun snorts at the simplicity in Jongin’s solution because of course his way of getting out of a lie is with another lie. Although, it wasn’t entirely a lie considering how much trouble Jongin caused periodically if Jongin was the troublemaker student he was talking about.

“You’re a strange kid,” Joonmyun tells him.

Jongin smiles and hugs his hyung tightly.

“I know but only because I never want to let you go!”

Raising a brow at the other because wow, Kim Jongin can be nice? and-- ah, he spoke too soon.

“Because you need to take me out for steak,” he reminded, adding on to his previous thought.

“What? I’m not paying for shit,” Joonmyun fought back.

Letting out a sigh, Jongin shrugged before releasing his hold on his hyung and rolled off the bed.

“Fine, I’ll just satisfy myself with-- never mind,” he paused, running a hand through his hair. “I’ll see ya later, hyung.”

And before Joonmyun could say anything else, Jongin was already strutting out of the room without another word.

What a strange kid.

author's note : so, this was a result of a convo i had with my friend where she pretended to be kai and i pretended to be suho... if you couldn't tell, this idea was sparked by the teaser photos because exo is finally coming back and even though it's with wolf, i would literally take anything just because i need new music and i want my exo bbs back! also somehow this fic ended up be sukai, my guilty pleasure otp and just yeah. feels.
Tags: group: exo, length: one shot, pairing: suho/kai
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